FAQ

What is Self-Marriage?

Self-Marriage is a commitment to valuing and prioritizing self-love and self-care within a culture that has neglected it, left it behind, commercialized and dehumanized it. Self-Marriage is a commitment to being there for yourself, to choosing the livelihood and lifestyle that will help you grow and blossom into the most alive, beautiful, and deeply happy person you can be. Self-Marriage is a way to formalize, proclaim, share, and sanctify self-love. It can be honored as a concept in itself, through a physical ceremony, and regularly through one-on-one sessions to help grow and build this marriage.

Who participates in Self-Marriage?

Self-Marriage is for anyone who has ever felt she could love herself more completely. For anyone who has tried to love himself, and not known where to start. Self-Marriage is for those who wish to be living examples of the change they wish to see in the world and know that a world full of love begins with a world full of self-love. For those ready to commit to their greater purpose; for those who wish to know themselves more deeply. Self-Marriage is for those who are or have been heartbroken and wish to heal their wounds and step into their wholeness. It is for those who are already in loving, fulfilling relationships and for those who are already in love with their life and want to share, declare, and sanctify it. Self-Marriage is for those in need of ritual, ceremony, and initiation. It is for those who feel Self-Marriage just might be crazy or novel enough to work.

What does Self-Marriage look like?

Each Self-Marriage is personally designed to meet your individual needs and desires, and is fit around your unique ideas and longing to grow deeper in self-love.

There is no one way to marry yourself. Each Self-Marriage ceremony looks different, and means something different to each person. Even the vows vary–they can be written and recited, improvised, sung, danced, or simply lived. That said, there are some underlying commonalities to Self-Marriage:

The basic and fundamental commitment to self-love
Some form of vows taken
Some way to mark the marriage as a rite of passage

A Self-Marriage ceremony can look like:

A traditional wedding with guests, cake, and all-night celebration
A private acknowledgement of self-love in a room with a mirror and a candle
A joint Self-Marriage with a partner, friend, or group
A series of one-on-one sessions with or without a formal ceremony either at the beginning, middle, or end
A daily practice, a one-time event, or some combination

What does a healthy relationship to self look like?

In a healthy relationship with yourself, you take care of your basic needs: you drink enough water, eat food that supports your well-being, sleep enough, and care for your health.
You are in touch with your deeper needs for fulfilling work and purpose, loving relationships and sex, and living your passions and dreams.
There is no gap between what you value and what you live (how you spend your time).
You don’t believe everything you think, and have become intimate friends with your inner critic.
You are aware of your own body.
You feel your emotions and express them in ways that do not harm yourself or others.
You know what you need to live a fulfilling life, and you ask for it.
You are honest with yourself–nothing needs to be hidden.
You make choices that support your thriving, your being the best person you can be.
You accept yourself as you are, with all your imperfections, flaws, and neuroses.
You have compassion for yourself. You trust yourself. You forgive yourself over and over.
Deep down, you know you are worthy of love, and that is why you don’t hold back in giving to yourself.
You have a sense of clear boundaries and self-protection, and speak up when they are violated: you are in touch with your power in a way that is genuine rather than forced or manipulative.
You do not settle for unfulfilling or abusive relationships, work, or circumstances–you know you deserve better.
You are kind to others, and treat them with the same depth of love and respect that you treat yourself.

Do I have to marry myself to love myself?

Not at all–Self-Marriage is just one way to acknowledge and value self-love. Just because you do not wish to marry yourself does not mean you don’t love yourself.

Do I have to love myself to marry myself?

Not necessarily, though the choice to commit to a life of loving yourself is an act of self-love. Still, you do not have to believe or think you love yourself to marry yourself–you may simply have the desire to love yourself better or try to love yourself.

Is Self-Marriage a legal marriage?

Self-Marriage is not a legal process (your taxes and marital status will not change if you marry yourself). It is a personal process, and the only documents involved are your own.

Can I still have other relationships or be married to someone if I am married to myself?

Of course! Self-Marriage is inclusive and supportive rather than exclusive of other relationships. While you will always be your own primary partner, other relationships tend to grow stronger and deeper through your commitment to self-love.

Isn’t Self-Marriage selfish and narcissistic?

Quite the opposite. Self-Marriage acknowledges that we are unique, special, and loveable, just like everybody else. And we cannot truly love another if we do not love ourselves. Self-love brings balance into our lives, allowing us to give and help others in a way that is sustainable rather than draining. So Self-Marriage is an act of selflessness, but in a way that honors rather than neglects our needs and deeper yearnings. Self-Marriage involves committing to a truth within us that transcends ideas of a small and separate self. At its essence, Self-Marriage is a commitment to loving and honoring that greater “self” that connects us all–that universal essence of life–starting from within.

How does Self-Marriage contribute to a better world?

Imagine a world full of people who love themselves, and do not need to act out or harm each other in a thwarted attempt to gain love; where people are living their dreams and are deeply happy because of it; where people are grateful for the simple fact of being alive, and treat the earth with respect. Imagine a world where people support each other rather than compete, because they know their own value and need not feel threatened; where children are raised with love rather than traumatized and wounded by traumatized and wounded parents. Imagine a world where people no longer live in hypocrisy and contradiction and practice what they preach. Imagine a world where people truly love each other–because they love themselves. This is the world Self-Marriage helps create.