About Self-Marriage

If you were in a relationship with someone who treated you the way you treat yourself, would you choose to stay in this relationship? If you had a partner who judged, criticized, and doubted you the way you judge, criticize, and doubt yourself, would you have left long ago?

We are in a long-term relationship with ourselves. A partnership that’s for life. And though we may try to leave ourselves by hiding behind other relationships, trying to be someone else, trying to be perfect, developing addictions and bad habits, or traveling far and wide, wherever you go, there you are–it’s a law of nature. And no matter how successful you are, how much money you have, or how many people love you, it is you who has to live with yourself for the rest of your life–whether you are committed to it or not. It is up to you to craft a meaningful life that is full of deep love, a life that is truly worth living. Of all the people in the world, you know best how you want to be loved and treated.

Besides our perhaps imperfect relationship with ourselves, we also live in a world full of abuse, misunderstanding, hatred, greed, lies, war, injustice, genocide, homicide, suicide, murder–and deep, deep suffering. A world where love has been denied, twisted, maimed, turned on its end and stabbed repeatedly. In addition to a world full of unhealthy self-relationships, we live in a world full of unhealthy relationships, period. Unhealthy relationships to work, sex, money, food, the earth, other countries, and to each other. Yet before we even begin to authentically untangle this massive knot of suffering in the world, we must find the end of the string, the source that we can most immediately access: ourselves. If we are at war with ourselves, surely it makes sense for us to be at war with each other.

The world is in need of compassion. And the way to truly access compassion is through self-compassion. If we can develop genuine compassion and love for ourselves, that one human being we know most intimately, then we can begin to create a better world to live in. If we can forgive our own shortcomings and imperfections, surely we can forgive the collective flaws of a world full of people who bleed, forget, scream, cry, and hurt just like we do. Global healing begins with self-healing.

Self-Marriage is the commitment to live what we know to be true in our hearts. It is the commitment to radically honor, value, and practice self-love and self-compassion in order to live a better life and help minimize the collective suffering of the world. One human experience at a time.

Self-Marriage has four components:

1) Becoming your own lover, best friend, and parent/child

2) Connecting with and committing to your deeper purpose

3) Uniting all the contradictory and conflicting aspects of yourself

4) Harmonizing your external relationships and circumstances

1) Becoming your own lover, best friend, and parent/child

The practice of Self-Marriage opens you to your own wholeness. Instead of expecting others to fill your gaps, bring you deep love, nurture you, and spice your life, you learn tools to be that love, nurture, and spice for yourself–so you can enter into relationships with others from a place of fulfillment rather than from lack. You learn tools to meet yourself in a new way and become truly intimate with yourself so you may already be full of gratitude and love before you even get out of bed in the morning. When you know your own wholeness, you can interact with your friends, family, and spouse/lover already overflowing with–rather than begging for–love. Instead of waiting until you are perfect or until you meet the right person (who can never fulfill all your needs, anyways) to feel worthy of love, you come to love and accept yourself as you are.

2) Connecting with and committing to your deeper purpose

In marrying yourself, you also marry your deeper purpose–what you are here on this planet to do. Self-Marriage is a process of self-discovery where you connect with what matters to you and commit to something that is greater than you whatever it is that motivates and inspires all you are and all you do. Through this marriage, you gain the freedom to live your life authentically, in alignment with your values. When you are aware of and committed to your purpose, all voices of doubt and fear inspire you to look deeper and stay on track with your deepest dreams, rather than paralyzing and inhibiting you. Self-Marriage helps you to live your life intentionally and build your life around what is important to you, rather than getting caught up in distractions and waking up one day to a life you wouldn’t consciously choose.

3) Uniting all the contradictory and conflicting aspects of yourself

Each person is dynamic, complex, and full of layers, like an onion or a flower. A key component of Self-Marriage is the recognition of this dynamic, multidimensional self–an identity that is always changing and that has many aspects. This recognition fully allows each voice within you to be honored and heard, giving you the space to exist exactly as you are, in all your layers. Through Self-Marriage, you create enough space in yourself to hold and respect the parts of you that have been rejected, repressed, or shamed, giving way to a newly connected and whole self. You learn to welcome rather than deny all the experiences, emotions, memories, thoughts, and sensations of your body, bringing you into a deeper love of what it means to truly be alive.

4) Harmonizing your external relationships and circumstances

Through focusing on self-love, the process of Self-Marriage both directly and indirectly works with the external factors of your life: the quality of your current and past relationships, your upbringing, your job, your physical health, and all the tragedies and fortunes of your life. Self-Marriage recognizes that the state of your inner world is greatly influenced by the state of your outer world, and works with each individual background and context to create a more harmonious life. This component of Self-Marriage bridges the gap between inner and outer peace, crafting a life where your self-love becomes reflected in the love of your external, daily life and relationships.

Self-marriage is a ceremony, a daily practice, and a lifelong commitment to living a life of love, care, and compassion–a life worth living. It is the promise to listen for and honor your deepest longings, to continuously choose a life that fits who you are, rather than letting who you are be dictated by mere circumstance.

Self-Marriage is a pathway to knowing yourself, loving yourself, healing yourself, loving your life, and being the change you wish to see in the world. Through the depth of commitment to self-love and self-compassion, Self-Marriage offers us a tool to create world peace through inner peace.