Feel your Feelings

You’re so emotional.

Don’t cry.

Be strong. ?

Don’t let it get to you.

You’re too sensitive.

These are the ABCs of too many of our childhoods.

As a child, I slowly learned not to cry in the classroom, or in public, or anywhere I could be seen or heard. ?Over time, I learned to save my tears for the sweet aloneness of my bedroom (in second-place was the school bathroom). ?There, I secretly prayed I would be–but never was–interrupted.

Moments of locked doors and leaky eyes–supplemented with Disney movies that taught me a prince would someday rescue me–did not set me up well for success.

And so I wandered through my Los Angeles years: bag of emotions tucked under my skin, not quite sure where I belonged.

I found refuge in academia, where I could–for a while–lay my bag of feelings at the door while I pursued my intellect. ?However, amidst extravagant term papers and awards of excellence, I learned my emotions had a mind of their own. ?While I pursued my intellect, my emotions pursued?me. ?Though I graduated from college, I still hadn’t learned how to free myself from the treacherous hold of my emotions.

 

Then one day I discovered Meditation, my prince. ?He would save me from the burden of my feelings! ?He wasn’t as handsome as I had imagined–he looked more like the inside of my own mind–but I pursued him still. ?Like Aladdin, he took me on some magic carpet rides to a Whole New World inside myself. ?Stillness, ascendance, transcendence; places where a light larger than the sun penetrated all things.

 

But then I would open my eyes. ?And lo and behold, there was my bag of feelings waiting for me, right where I left them!

Where had my prince gone then? ?Likely to some other princess whose eyes were closed, in some deep state of meditation…

Eventually, I resolved to try something revolutionary–something unthinkable. ?I was finally ready to open my elephant-sized bag and to (gasp!) feel my feelings.

On a Vipassana retreat I learned to feel emotions as sensations in the body, impermanent and ever-changing. ?To maintain a state of equanimity–neither to cling to or resist my experience. ?Amazing! ?I discovered that even the darkest, scariest emotion, however painful, would not physically kill me if I just felt it fully and let it pass.

Yet I met too many spiritual seekers who called their apathy “equanimity.” ?For them, being emotional was not part of the spiritual path. ?Emotions were still obstacles–as if the solution to equanimity were to get rid of feelings altogether, so there would be nothing to cling to or resist.

I longed for a place where I would be welcome with, rather than in spite of, my feelings. ?Where I could stay connected to Love with eyes open or closed. ?Where spirituality and daily life (with all its ups and downs) were not separate. ?Where my seemingly untamable emotions could somehow bring me closer to–not farther from–the divine.

Miraculously, I found this place within me when I was introduced to the practices of Awakening Women and a more feminine path of spirituality: embodiment. ?Living wisdom. ?Turning our longing for someone else?to liberate us someday?into an open exploration of the liberation that is already here.? As this truth unveiled herself to me, I transformed from Princess to Priestess, and here is what I have learned:

 

All our lives, we are told emotions are unattractive, something to either get rid of, shut off or transcend. ?All options end up in the same trap; none of them work.

Feel your feelings.

Your feelings are your gateway to love’s deepest presence. ?Your feelings point to your truest yearning, spiritual in its very essence.

Feelings are raw energy expressed?through the body. ?Energy cannot be created or destroyed, so there’s no use in trying to create or destroy a feeling. ?Energy can only shape-shift, and feelings will change form…if you let them. ?If you feel them in connection to their source.

Feelings are your inner compass. ?They are waves rising up from the depths to the surface, reminding you of your oceanic being. ?Returning you to the infinite source of all energy.

Any voice that tells you to look outside your inner compass for the truth is an impostor. ?Any voice that tells you this moment is not holy exactly as it is, is denying you entrance to the temple of your heart.

But they are only voices, with no real power except intimidation and paralysis. ?Walk through the gates.

Your feelings?are?your connection to spirit.

Be curious. ?Be open.

Lean in and follow them?home.