Today, thousands–perhaps millions–of people are preparing to greet the new year with a promise.

More exercise, less sugar.

More money, less depression.

More happiness, less weight.

Welcome to the New Year’s Resolution, a dangerous river rapid pulling us into the collective belief that we are not enough just as we are. ?That our deepest yearning for love, for health, and for happiness is available at some undetermined point in the future. ?And that our worthiness for love, health and happiness is conditional and depends on whether or not we fulfill our future promises.

Ride your New Year’s Resolution to its source and see what you find. ?Those desires for perfection, self-improvement, and happiness all go deeper. ?They touch upon our deepest yearning for total love, total union–God or Truth or utter peace. Read More

In a traditional marriage, the affirmation that marks initiation into life commitment is “I do.”

In Self-Marriage, the affirmation is “I am.”

The difference lies between being and doing.

Your being points to the deeper truth of your existence; it is the foundation for all doing. ?Without being, without existence, we could not?do?anything. ?Doing is simply the manifest expression of being. ?I exist. ?I am, therefore I can go to work every day. ?I am, therefore I can drive my daughter to school. ?I am, therefore I can go grocery shopping. ?I am, therefore I do.

Doing?comes from being. ?To do without remembering our being is like a tree growing from the air. ?Or a society lost in material gain and success. Read More

Often times when we’re seeking–a partner, a passion, a savior, a guru, a quick fix–we just want the pain to go away. ?Impossible.

Pain is your birth right. ?Literally–as you passed through your mother’s birth canal to come into this world, pain was right there. ?Your mother labored for hours–and for 9 months before that–to birth you into being. ?You likely cried as you moved from the darkness of the womb into a brightly-lit world.

There is all this talk of light in the culture of spirituality. ?It is often equated with consciousness, awakening. ?The word enlightenment is just that: illumination. ?Bringing forth the light.

Many believe enlightenment brings eternal bliss and an end to all pain. ?But who ever said light isn’t painful? Read More

Does a tree ever wonder whether it’s good enough? ?Does it doubt the nurture of the soil beneath it or question its purpose: to grow and to thrive? ?Does it compare the quality of its photosynthesis to nearby trees and shrink backwards in fear?

Some days, it can feel like we spend an eternity swirling inside our own mind, falling from pit to pit, swallowed by the rapids of self-sabotage. ?All we can muster on those days is a faint comfort in the consistency of our shallow breath and a dropperful of compassion while we’re being swayed into caves that were once a dwelling place in the younger, socially confused years.

Consider the possibility that this mental ramble of self-effacement is not ours. ?That it, instead, belongs to a collective spirit of oppression that is exactly why it took so long for women to vote and a black man to be president. ?It’s as if, somehow, the radio of the mind simply gets stuck on the frequency of American Debauchery.

It is miraculous to step into the wisdom of not identifying with our thoughts and not believing everything we think. ?And yet, even while holding this deeper perspective, it still feels like the voice of self-doubt is?inhabiting us,?inside our body, like a virus attached to the host cells of our free mind.

How do we endure the suffering of stormy inner weather? Read More

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing or rightdoing, there is a field. ?I’ll meet you there. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?~Rumi

One of the sweetest moments of love’s connection is when you look into the eyes of your beloved–or someone you’ve newly met–with a sense of recognition, with a sense of “I am found” or “I belong to you.” ?Everything in that moment rests perfectly still as your eyes peer into the depths of love. ?Like a snowflake resting upon the Earth after its long journey from the heavens, you are home.

That’s what we’re aiming for. ?Total connection. Beginning with yourself. ?From within.

That place where you can peer into yourself and find soul, find space, find recognition, find stillness. ?”In this moment I am home in myself, ever-changing, ever-dancing in time and space.” ?You have found. ?You see into the depths of your own soul, your own self. ?Letting go of all conceptions of who you are, you find love’s gaze within.

It is beyond commitment–it is a recognition of the eternal. ?And yet, to commit to that place of love within you is to bring it out of the esoteric and into the physical. ?To commit is to live the total connection of love’s gaze every day. ?Even when it hurts. ?Even when you don’t feel like it. Read More

Everything you yearn for waits for you, sits patiently at the door until you are ready to open it.

When we feel stuck in our relationships, when we feel stuck in our lives, most of the time it is not because the love is not there. ?It is because we are speaking a different language than the love being offered us. ?It is because we have forgotten how to receive it.

Learning how to open the door to the abundance of aliveness that is constantly knocking is a practice, a practice of receiving.

The practice of receiving is not what we might think. ?We are often good at receiving what?we want to receive–love me like this, touch me like this, tell me this, but not that.

The practice of receiving is much deeper–it involves receiving?what is. Read More

All I have to say will never be as profound as the intricacy of a single blade of grass.

“Is the oak tree married to itself?” you may ask. ?”What about the squirrel? ?And the Earth itself?”

It’s true that we have enough concepts and constructs invented by humans that take us away from our true nature of simply?being, of being ourselves. ?There are already so many products and programs that promise us peace of mind, that promise us greater love and happiness when sometimes all we really need is to walk in nature or close our eyes and remember our own nature. ?Labels can be a distraction, or they can be a tool.

Self-Marriage takes two already-existing cultural constructs that usually cause problems–the self and marriage–and redefines them to point us back to that place within us that is as peaceful and profound as a blade of grass.

In this way, Self-Marriage attempts to harness the power, familiarity, and influence of these constructs and dissolve them so you may see your nature, you selfless self more clearly. ?The concept of Self-Marriage is a tool whose purpose is world peace through inner peace. Read More

Curious and afraid? ?All of you is welcome here.

Self-Marriage is not something new–it is a frame, a name, a container for something universal: love. ?The art of living.

You may be afraid of this frame because it has the word marriage in it. ?Or self. ?That’s okay. ?All of you is welcome here.

Marriage is simply a cultural context for deep love and commitment, for the promise of a lifetime. ?Marriage doesn’t?create?the love or commitment–it declares and celebrates it. ?It names it into being.

And yes, the concept of “self” is often limiting. ?It immediately creates a dualism between self and other. ?But it is also an invitation: how vast and deep can you grow your sense of self? ?How authentic can you be to your unique role in the grand scheme of things?

When you marry anyone–whether a loved one or yourself–you are marrying your commitment to love. ?You are marrying the deeper purpose of the life you are here to live. ?That is the only real marriage.

Self-Marriage is a model. ?The love is already there. ?The commitment is a seed. ?Are you ready to cultivate it?

Loneliness is feeling separate even amidst a crowd; love is feeling connected even when alone.

Since childhood, we’ve been taught that one is the loneliest number. ?We’ve been taught that when we are alone, we will be sad and disconnected.

It’s time to rewrite this story. ?It’s time to live the truth.

One is the number from which all numbers begin–from which all life begins. ?Everything in this world is but an amalgamation of ones. ?One atom at a time, and a universe is formed. ?One breath at a time, and an entire life is lived.

One is all. ?One is the holiest number. Read More

In the East, there is a tradition of seeking a Guru, a spiritual teacher, in order to be fulfilled and brought closer to God (substitute your own word here if this one makes you uncomfortable).

In the West, there is a tradition of seeking a romantic partner in order to be fulfilled, complete, and whole.

Both come from that same place of seeking within us. ?Both come from that fundamental yearning for union. Read More